I travel a lot.

I'm normally based in London and work US hours which are normally from 12 to about 2 am GMT.

I work with clients all around the world though. Australia is really only the biggest pain in the ass though with time zones.

I only do decks in English.

I've had a number of French clients with crappy English and we've made it work.

So long as you can communicate business level concepts, we'll be fine.

Only I work with you. No one else.

I don't have a team on purpose. I also don't intend scaling up to take on a million clients any time soon.

The reality is that I can't find anyone who knows as much as me.

Of course! Your confidentiality is critical to our business.

I've reviewed thousands of pitch decks over the years. I wouldn't have done so if I wasn't trusted.

I do not recommend you share patentable, super technical information in any material (other than at advanced due diligence).

Conventional wisdom is that your idea is not worth anything, just the execution you apply.

If you are sharing technical information with me, or have reasons otherwise (you are being acquired), we will of course sign an NDA.

I really don't care about your information, tbh. I have way better things to do. I rarely ever even read what you send me!

That depends on you as you are the bottle neck. I'll get a lot done with you but then you need to provide all the information I need.

The fastest I get decks done are a week. This is for founders who make their deck a priority.

I also have some clients that take forever as they get distracted with startup and life.

I'm not taking on clients that don't make this a priority anymore. From the first call I'm available for 4 weeks and then you're on your own.

That's the point of coming to me. I know everything and will teach you.

We do your deck from scratch. I almost don't even want to see the deck you did.

I get asked a lot if I do Google Slides?

Short version: Yes, you can receive your pitch deck in Google Slides... but there is a but!

Here's the deal. I use PowerPoint to make your pitch deck as the functionality is better and investors sometimes ask for your deck in PPT.

Google has restrictions such as use of custom fonts. So if we build your deck using Bebas, then when it is uploaded to Google Sheets the fonts convert to Arial and the formats get weird like Halloween. You don't want your deck looking spooky 😉

Also Google doesn't deal with Keynote files, so they have to be made in PowerPoint (which may be fine for you).

I ALWAYS recommend you only send investors your deck in PDF so you shouldn't be sharing a file in Google Slides in any case.

If none of the founders have PowerPoint or Keynote on their computer, then OK. We can make your file in PowerPoint using webfonts only and the formatting should be fine.

I don't bullshit founders ever. So I can't promise your pitch deck will be as perfect in Google Slides!

I accept all currencies (of course)!

The payment is safe and secure using Stripe. Sure you have heard of them, right? They're the unicorn status you are hoping to achieve with your startup valuation!

Whilst the currency is stated as Euro, we accept all currency. Stripe manages all this. Your card will be charged the equivalent amount.

If there are any issues at all, just message me and I will help you.

I charge 100% upfront.

I've been stiffed for over €40k by clients that don't pay so I'm not dealing with that BS anymore.

I'm a z list celebrity so I can't disappear with the money anyway.

We don't do cash on motor bike delivery 😉

We accept PayPal in addition to credit card.

Decks are typically 22-26 when I do them.

The length is exactly what you specifically need. We're following my outline so we only add slides when there's a reason.

I'm not making a 50 slide deck though!

I'll refund you minus the fees I was charged, which is mainly the Stripe fee.

Basically I won't make any money and I won't lose any because of your life choices.

That's a you problem.

If you aren't confident about working with me, that you might cancel your fundraise etc, just don't work with me.

I'm not doing refunds unless I get ill and you're on a deadline I can't meet.

Of course!

The only things I need to know are:

• Font
• Colors

Most founders don't really care so I just ask a color they like (i.e. blue) and I do my thing.

Design isn't a big deal tbh and I structure decks in a very particular way I invented.

If you hate what I've done that's fine, I'm happy to change if you aren't a moron. It's just never happened.

Because I'm probably the best in the world. I also do everything personally- there is no team of minions.

Do I need to say anything else?

Only PowerPoint.

Main reason is that investors might ask you for your deck in PPT if they are thinking of investing in you.

Yes of course! It's designed to be sent in a PDF.

We offer you two pitch deck files upon completion:

1. The editable slide deck file
2. A PDF version

No.

You are emailing investors the slide deck, it's going to be in PDF and you don't animate PDF. If you are giving a pitch presentation in person (Don't... the best investor presentations are conversations) you don't need them either.

If you are doing a 'demo day' then maybe you can use them, but they should be the LAST thing you think about.

No.

If your idea sucks I'll probably just tell you that you aren't fundable and get you to drop it. I've got a dozen founders to quit and start something new.

Yes and no.

Yes in that we are going to do your deck from scratch.

No in that you are going to have to supply me with the industry data, your financials etc.

If you need business model strategy support, financial models etc, I offer these services too.

I'm not interested in working with you.

There needs to be one boss. The CEO is responsible for the raise and all the presentation material.

I will only deal with one person who has the strength to communicate upfront what they want and stick to their guns.

If you are pressured to keep totally changing the pitch deck, you are completely entitled to submit a fresh, new project. I love repeat clients.

Yes. Always.

I've tested a lot of things to figure out how to do decks with the least amount of pain.

My way is the best way I've found that works.

42.

In fact in ASCII 42 is code for *.

The implication being anything.

Life is what you make it.

I will help you make it awesome.